Tripping Far Side

I'm posting again, which means that I'm back in the Far Far West. I only say that because right now, Japan feels decidedly Western to me, yet far far from it. I admire how Japan can take a foreign concept, and vastly improve on it to make it their own. To go where no Western man has gone before.

Now, people in America are no strangers to toilet humor. But as much as some of us chuckle to scatological funnies, we leave it at that. We don't analyze it. We don't engineer it. We just shit. No fancy pants. No messing around. Yes, shit's funny, until we all get into the science of it see?

We went from outhouses to a basic functional toilet, and shit, evolution ceased--for decades! Where's America's uber-toilets? I'm using the same toilet today that I did when I was a kid (yes, boo freaking hoo). The only innovation in my brand new home's toilet is that it's supposed to be more efficient. Like I'm going to get all uppity about flushing with the least amount of water. I demand more as the spoiled generation!

Now I know lots of my friends love toilet humor, but they'd never be so far-out clever to come up with this. The proof is in the pudding, eh? You gotta try it to believe it. It brings new meaning to sitting and shitting, on the same scale when people realized that squatting wasn't the only way of life.

Electricity has done a lot for the world, and so with the toilet. There's a seat warmer. There's a fan to clear the odor (brilliant!). There's a water jet to clean the derriere. Superior to toilet paper (and leaves!). It even sprays warm water, while you can dial the nozzle pressure--shocking! Or it can automatically oscillate. For you OCD'ers, the nozzle is cleaned automatically. I mean what more can you ask? I ask, what more can you ask...

So I have two more weeks to philosophize in my new second office. Well, it's not that exciting really. Just a moment of anticipation when you return to Japan, and realize what you've been missing. There is more to life, even in the mundane. But isn't that where we derive our simple pleasures?

...cue music... So here's to you, Mr. fancy-toilet-clever-innovator-man (Mr. fancy-toilet-clever-innovaaaator-maaaan!)