Tripping Far Side

My blog is misleading so far. It's been almost exactly one month since I started teaching. And in this time, life has been much more difficult than enjoyable. So long rant today. Please bear with me.

I expected that beginning to live in Japan would be difficult. But not this difficult. A few days ago, I ended up just shouting out in the teachers room, "I HATE THIS SCHOOL!" I got a lot of surprised looks. As tempered and big-picture as I try to be, I still can't avoid culture shock.

A lot of things in combination drive me crazy here.

There's a lot of work and stress because Miki SHS is a "Super English Language High School" supervised by the Ministry of Education. Aside from the regular English course that all students must learn, there is a more advanced, special English course. I teach 15 classes a week: 9 classes with one lesson per week and 3 classes with two lessons per week. I teach 5 different types of classes. I teach with 7 different teachers and 3 others that we much coordinate with. Because of holidays and typhoons, some classes are one to three lessons behind. It's quite overwhelming.

But I have it easy in comparison. The Japanese teachers have way too much responsibility, and so they can't focus much on making solid, meaningful lessons that I have to teach. I've been staying at work late and working at home on the weekdays making lesson plans and grading journals/homework and helping students with their speeches. And I'm not even responsible for club activities or homeroom! I can see how it's more common in Japan for teachers to have mental breakdowns--I know of two at Miki SHS on indefinite leave.

I'm not an assistant teacher here. In fact, in a lot of my classes, "team teaching" means I run the class while the Japanese teacher provides comments in a backup role. I wouldn't mind if I had more control over what we taught. I speak very, very slowly and in simple English, and most students can understand.

Also, in most of my classes, we don't follow the textbooks because those in charge didn't do a good job of picking them. So most of the teachers, including me, make their own lesson plans, borrowing a little something from the book, just because we have to. It's helpful to have a list of old lesson plans, but it doesn't make sense from one plan to the next. What are we teaching them? No wonder so many students have to go to cram school everyday to really learn their English.

The Head English Teacher is a nice guy, but disorganized and last-minute. Often forgetful of important ideas, tasks, and meetings. The Head of the Special English Course can't handle his own stress and so doesn't deal well with other issues that need his attention. It makes it more difficult for everyone. I've voiced my concerns and suggestions, but it seems they can't even consider taking on more responsibility.

The students are great. I'm priviledged to go to one of the best high schools in the area. But even then, English is mandatory for everyone and so it's natural to have your lot of unmotivated students. Many are quite overworked, so I can understand when they'd rather sleep than struggle to understand English. The education system teaches English for many years, but for some reason, even the good students have a really hard time generating and speaking simple sentences.

It's because, I think, they don't get enough practice speaking in oral communication class. It's very difficult to get participation from students since they are naturally shy and passive--a virtue in their culture. Also, it seems difficult for them to think and have initiative on their own, so they don't like to volunteer. Always a member of a group, they seem to think more importantly of what others think over their own feelings. With any class activity, students always have to work with others (as long it isn't of the opposite sex). So, I feel they are quite afraid to make mistakes when they are unsure--better to just pretend like you don't understand than lose face speaking bad English or the wrong answer. It's not their culture to stand out--the nail that sticks out should be hammered.

And I feel hammered everyday. I'm one of the few that likes to discuss and suggest how we can improve English education here. I mean, of course I'm no expert and I just got here, but I swear my ideas are just common sense! For example, limiting the use of Japanese in oral communication classrooms and getting the kids to practice speaking English more. Doing quick reviews or quizzes of what they learned in last class. Having lesson plans with structure and continuity.

Also for the special English course students, let's not do 2 years of debate! It's difficult enough for students to just use English. On top of that, it's difficult for them, even in Japanese, to express their opinion, let alone be confrontational and logical. Besides, ALTs shouldn't be in debate class since we never teach them any English! And we haven't taught them how to debate. They just read paragraphs about the topic and eventually expect them to debate. My Japanese teaching partner said that if we throw them in the deep end of the pool, they'll learn how to swim. Yah, they are drowning as we speak. I never show my frustration to students, but they have said how difficult debate is, and I can see their lack of motivation in their work.

But there's just no way to catalyze change. So I wonder, why do I care so much? This place fosters, no forces, mediocrity. So why do I work so much? This place isn't a meritocracy. This is different from my old job, where the work was too high-level, and it was really a struggle not being good enough to make any contribution. Sigh. I've been quite depressed, losing whole weekends just because all I wanted to do was sleep.

But I'm lucky to have a lot of good JETs around me. In searching for answers, one veteran JET told me, "You can't change their culture." That slapped me just right. Although I've been fighting to do what I believe is best and what I believe is right, I am different. Their culture is not my culture. My principles might not apply here to be happy or successful. This is their way of doing things, and it works for them. Change also happens very slowly here.

So I am feeling better these days in my powerlessness. It's one way I'm choosing to cope: to learn to be more flexible and humble than I have ever been. I am new to Japan and I have no authority. Until I understand more, my criticism is lacking wisdom. Until I have more responsibility, all I can do is my best for what I have control over. Change doesn't seem to happen bottom-up in Japan anyway.

I saw a small patch of sunflowers in Japan. I feel like one of them--few in number and different in a land of homogeneity. But I guess that also makes me feel somewhat special. So here's to, what I hope, is a sunny future.... I wonder how I will change and grow as a person in Japan.